Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
