If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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