You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
