I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
