This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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