i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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