I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I have tasted many bathrooms
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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