I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
