Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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