i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
