can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
