it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
