Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Did you just see the Batmobile???
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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