help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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