Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
