Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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