Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The Olympian is in my bed
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