i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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