you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
whose parrot is this?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
