she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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