im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
