just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
