idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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