pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
