i don't like sucking hair
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
