dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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