She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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