When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
