I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
