Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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