Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
