so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So many bounce houses so little time
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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