i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
