My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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