Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
