why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
