first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
When did we convert life to cartoon?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
