I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
