strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
