This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
