I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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