i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
