Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
