So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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