She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Randomize
