pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
