if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
