Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
vagina is talking i cant
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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