i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
