I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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