Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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