oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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