There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
