Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
