you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
