I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
